Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
