lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
