How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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