She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
