Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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