Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
