I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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