Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
