i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I just gift wrapped bread.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
