just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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