She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
