remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
As shirtless as possible
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
