Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
