Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
