I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
