i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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