You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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