Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
