I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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