Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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