I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
