We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
