so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
