i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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