great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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