allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
