why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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