I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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