he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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