how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
