As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
