ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
