I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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