Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
