i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
