Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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