Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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