what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
