running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
