Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
