honey bunches of taint.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
