I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
