That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
