Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
