I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
