You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
