i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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