I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
