you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
