youre lurking in front of me
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
