The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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