So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
